8 Strategies to Get Your Children to Listen When You Talk

When it comes to raising children, one of the most challenging areas involves learning how to talk to our children in a way that they will listen. Although it can be frustrating to repeat your words and instructions to your children numerous times, know that they are trying their best to take in the various stimuli from their surroundings – thus it won’t be surprising if they seem to blank out or switch off every now and then.

At the end of the day, we hope to find the right balance in nurturing our children as this will reflect in the way they communicate with others. Here, we offer you some tips to help you get your message through to your children when you talk to them:

1. Connect with them at eye level

When you talk or give instructions to your child, do get down to his/her height level and maintain eye contact to get his/her attention. You can teach your child to focus and direct his/her attention towards what you are about to tell him/her by saying, “Kate, I need your eyes.”

Do the same thing when your child is trying to talk to you to assure him/her that you are listening. However, be sure not to make your eye contact too intense as your child might see it as you being commanding rather than trying to connect with him/her.

2. Keep your words brief and simple

It is common to get sidetracked and long-winded when you are talking to your child about an issue. However, the longer you ramble, the easier it is for your child to slip into a dazed state and ignore everything that you have said.

The secret to retaining your child’s attention is to keep your sentences short and brief. Do take note of how children communicate with each other to get some inspiration. It is also beneficial to observe their facial expression while you are talking to ensure that they are paying attention to what you are saying and that they understand your instructions.

3. Repeat and replay

Younger children, especially toddlers, have difficulty in making sense of directives and converting them into action, which explains the constant need to repeat your instructions to them. You can help your children internalise your message by getting them to repeat your instructions and asking them on their next course of action. For example, once your child understands that playtime is over, the next thing to do is to explain that he/she needs to clean up the mess by putting back the toys and books at the appropriate places. As your children grow up, there will be less of a need to repeat and replay your instructions to them as their processing ability gets more adept.

4. Use positive words

Threatening and judgmental sentences (e.g. “You better do this, or else…”) are bound to make your child feel hurt and discouraged, which causes them to go into defensive mode. Instead of framing the message towards your child, try using “I” messages instead – for example, “I would like you to put your toys away” or “I am so happy when you helped with the dishes”. Not only does this help your child understand your expectations better, it also works well with children who are eager to please but don’t necessarily like being ordered.

5. Give advanced notice

While some children are receptive towards the instructions given by their parents, others may need some time to process the message and comply with what is being asked of them. One of the ways you can manage this situation is to pre-empt your children on what is expected of them and give gradual instructions for them to follow.

Here are some examples to help you go through with this method:

“Bedtime is in 10 minutes. So, I need you to switch off the TV and hop into bed soon.”

“We are leaving soon. Say goodbye to teddy, and bye-bye to your friends.”

“It’s homework time. So, I need you to finish up your art and craft and clean up the table.”

6. Apply the ‘No shouting’ rule

Remember the last time you tried to get your children ready for dinner by shouting from the kitchen? This didn’t exactly get them scrambling to the dinner table, did it? Here’s another method which you might like to try instead: Walk into the room where your children are playing or studying. Using your normal tone of voice, tell them firmly that it’s almost time for dinner – then join in their activities for a few minutes before declaring a “time’s up”. By going to your child, they get the message that your request is important, rather than just ignoring your shouting from the other end of the house.

7. Ask specific questions

At times, getting your children to answer your questions might be a real struggle – you’ll either get a flat “yes” or “no”, or fail to get a response out of them at all. You can turn this situation around by asking specific questions that they lead to more than a “yes” or “no”, and to stick to topics that interest your child. For example, instead of asking the broad question of “Did you have a good day at school today?”, try asking “What was the best thing that happened to you today?” or “Tell me something that made you laugh”. You might also like to check out this article on the various questions you can ask your child to get them to talk to you about school.

8. Get your child to think

If your child does not seem to want to comply with the instructions that you give, you might want to try a reverse approach that sets them thinking instead. So, for example, instead of saying “Please do something about your messy table”, try this instead: “Think of where you would like to keep your files and textbooks so that they don’t clutter your table.” By painting a clearer picture for your child, he/she might be more likely to act on it rather than to procrastinate.

 

Nurture your child’s early years with a cutting-edge preschool curriculum which is backed by years of research. Book a visit to your preferred MindChamps PreSchool centre now!

Read also: 5 Things You Can Do to Bring Out the Best in Your Introverted Child

5 Effective Ways to Avoid Power Struggles with Children

According to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, the sense of power and dominance is a basic emotional need that we all seek to fulfill. The need to satisfy this craving for power begins as early as the age of two, as this is when children begin to see themselves as separate individuals from their parents. This phase of life leads children to discover that they are capable of creating or triggering various emotions and reactions in their parents – which also marks the start of a very long journey involving power struggles.

By three years old, most children have developed sharper skills in this area which causes parents to feel overwhelmed, overpowered and determined to set their child on the path of good behaviour. However, attempts by parents to overpower their children often leads to opposite results, leaving their children feeling more angry and defiant than ever.

Parents can turn this phase into a rewarding lesson for both themselves and their children by looking at this behaviour from a different light and responding to the battle of wills in a creative manner. Here are some suggestions to help you ease the power struggles with your children:

1. Side-step the power struggle

To deal with power struggles positively, one method which was shared by Karan Sims, instructor at the International Network for Children and Families, involves side-stepping the power struggle. In order to do this, you – as the parent – would need to refuse to give in to your child’s invitation to join his/her power struggle.

Here’s an example on how to side-step a power struggle situation:

When your pre-schooler gives you a flat “No” as an answer when you ask if he/she is ready for a bath, try your best to stay calm. You can turn the situation around by asking, “Can you walk to the bathroom with me or do you want me to carry you?” If your child is feeling cheeky, he/she might answer, “I want you to carry me – piggyback style – and gallop like a horse!”

In this case, although your child’s answer acts as the ticket for you to join a power struggle, you can side-step the situation by not fighting or giving in. You can turn the situation into a happy and loving one instead of starting yet another battle of wills when it comes to bath time. According to Sims, when you side-step the power struggle, you are telling your children, “I am not going to fight with you. I am not going to hurt you. I am not going to overpower you and I’m not going to give in either.”

2. Give choices – not orders

Once you have successfully side-stepped the power struggle, the next thing to do is to give your child choices. For example, if your child kicks up a fuss about leaving the house right away to attend swimming lessons, you can let him have a choice of which swim goggles to use. Once that is done, let him lock up by choosing which set of keys to use (assuming you have a master set and some spare sets). With this gradual transition, you have succeeded in getting your child to go for his swimming lesson and dissipate the power struggle about leaving the house.

Do ensure that the choices you give your children are ones which you can accept. For instance, when your child misbehaves while eating out, do not give him/her the choice of either sitting down quietly until everyone has finished eating or to leave the restaurant if you don’t intend to leave so soon.

It is also important to make sure that the choices you give do not represent alternatives of punishment. Thus, when you give your child an ultimatum by saying “You either clean up this mess or go to the time-out chair”, this creates fear and intimidation rather than empowerment.

3. Use more “Do” commands

“Don’t stay up too late!”

Does this sound familiar? Most of us tend to use “Don’t” commands to get our children to do what we want them to. However, most of the times, it gets us nowhere near what we want them to do in the first place. “Don’t” commands require your child to double process (“What does mum wants me to do in the first place?”) as most of what he/she gets from your message is what you don’t want him/her to do. This can be confusing and discouraging, especially for younger children.

To turn things around, parenting expert and best-selling author Amy McCready recommends that we calmly state what we want our children to do right from the start. So, rather than saying “Don’t run”, try “Please use your walking feet” instead.

4. Find alternatives for your child to be powerful

The next time you find yourself in the midst of a power struggle with your child, do find a way to give your child more power to ease the situation. For example, if your child often kicks up a fuss about buckling up in the car, you can put him/her in charge of making sure that the rest of his/her siblings are safely secured. Apart from making your child feel important, it helps to divert his/her attention away from the power struggle over buckling up.

5. Teach your child to say “No” respectfully

As parents, it is natural for us to react negatively when our children give “No” as an answer. However, the last thing we want to do is to send the message to them that they should not give “No” as an answer, as there will be times when they need to stand up for themselves in the face of peer pressure and inappropriate situations.  What you can do instead is to teach them to say “No” or to disagree in a respectful and appropriate manner. This can involve them explaining the reason behind their disagreement to help the other party understand their point of view better.

Related: Lying in Children: Why It Happens and What to Do About It | Chores and Children: Inspiring Your Child to Help with Chores

Looking to give your child a good head start in character building during the early years? Find out how this in incorporated into MindChamps PreSchool’s cutting-edge curriculum – book a visit to your preferred centre now!

25 Different Ways to Ask Your Child “How Was School Today?”

Don’t we all want to know all about our children’s day at school - like if they made new friends, or if the math teacher was talking too fast? Yet, when you pose the question “So, how was school today?” to your child, chances are the answer you get would go along the lines of “Great!” or “It was alright, I guess”.

Feeling exasperated with your child’s response? Well, it looks like they feel just as stressed with being asked that question as well.

According to Michael Thompson, Ph.D., author of The Pressured Child, ‘How was school today?’ is a frustrating question for both parents and kids. “Parents never get the answer they want and often don’t understand how difficult this question really is. Without meaning to, parents are asking for a summary but kids don’t summarise the way adults do. So most kids just say ‘fine’ or try to avoid the question entirely,” he shares. To add on to this, Dr. Lawrence Cohen, author of “Playful Parenting” says that many parents repeat this question if they fail to get a “good enough response” because they are not sure how else to ask it.

Thankfully, with some tweaks to the way you ask the question, both you and your child might have a nicer conversation about their day at school. Here’s a list of 25 questions to help you get started:

1. What was the best thing that happened at school today?


2. What was the worst thing that happened at school today?


3. Tell me one thing that made you laugh today.


4. Given a choice, who would you sit next to in class? Why?


5. Who would you NOT want to sit next to – and why?


6. What is your favourite place to be in school?


7. Tell me a strange word you heard today. (Or something strange which someone said to you)


8. If I talked to your teacher right now, what would she tell me about you?


9. What did you do today to make someone’s day better?


10. How did someone help to make your day better?


11. Tell me one thing you learnt today.


12. What made you the happiest today?


13. What bored you to tears today?


14. Who would you like to play with at recess that you have never played with before?


15. Tell me something good that happened today.


16. What word did your teacher use the most today?


17. What do you think you should do/learn more in school?


18. What do you think you should do/learn less of in school?


19. Who among your classmates do you think could be nicer to you? What do you do when he/she is not being nice to you?


20. Where do you hang out the most during recess?


21. What do you like the most about recess?


22. Who is the funniest person in your class? Why is that so?


23. If you could be the teacher tomorrow, what would you do?


24. If you could change places in class, who would you trade with? Why?


25. Tell me 3 things you used your pencil for today.

These open-ended questions serve as a non-threatening way to find out how your child really feels about school and his/her interactions with friends and teachers. On the other hand, they also open the door for a discussion by asking “why” questions (Tip: Be prepared to be surprised with the answers they give you), and this helps you get to the root of issues you may not know your child was going through.

 

Read also: 8 Ways to Encourage Curiosity in Children

This article was first published on the MindChamps Wordpress Blog.

 

 

5 Things You Can Do to Bring Out the Best in Your Introverted Child

As parents, we do our best to prepare our children to deal with the ups and downs in life as they work towards their dreams and goals. At the end of the day, we want them to grow up happy, well-adjusted and ready to take on the challenges that come their way.

While there are various resources that provide tips and strategies to bring out the best in your child, not all of them can be applied to children who are introverts. Often mistaken for being shy, some common characteristics of introverted children include:

• More inclined to spend time alone in his/her room with the door closed


• Often appear as reserved and may not share their thoughts and feelings easily


• Likely to have just one or two friends, as opposed to a big group of friends

If it seems like your child is more of an introvert, here are some things you can do to bring out the best in him/her:

1. Avoid labels

Contrary to what most people think, introversion is not a sign of socio-emotional problems such as depression. Instead, it is a unique personality trait and people who are introverts have different social needs and preferences compared to extroverts. Giving your children labels with negative connotations such as “loner” will affect them emotionally and mentally, leading them to believe that they are what you describe them to be. The best thing that you can do for your introverted child is to accept his/her personality traits and try to work around them to bring out the best in him/her.

2. Initiate small talks

At first glance, introverts may appear to have poor social skills as their style of interacting differs from that of extroverts. They tend to listen and make eye contact with the person who is talking to them. However, when they talk, they usually say what they mean and may look away from the person they are talking to.

Parents of introverts can help their children express their thoughts and feelings to others by having simple conversations with them. You can guide them along by asking questions and teaching them to see things from different perspectives. With lots of patience and practice, your introverted child will be on the right track in expressing himself/herself confidently to others.

3. Understand their social preferences

Introverted children tend to be quiet by nature and they do not enjoy being the centre of attention. On top of that, they are more comfortable interacting with one or two people at a time, as opposed to a large group of people.

Understanding the preferences of introverts in social situations such as this can go a long way to help parents and teachers guide introverted children when it comes to group activities such as Show and Tell. Give them a chance to observe the activities at first, and once they get a good idea of how things work, encourage them to join in. Be sure to assure the children that they have many good ideas to share with their friends, and do affirm their efforts and contributions along the way.

4. Don’t force him/her to make friends

Children who are introverts prefer being in the company of just one or two others. Thus, when it comes to making friends, they prefer to do this on their own terms and are highly likely to keep the circle close-knit. Although you might want your child to mingle with other children of the same age through playgroup outings, do take note not to force him/her to interact and play with the others. Doing so will only make things worse, and your child might become resentful or have negative feelings towards social interactions. Once your child finds a friend with whom he/she can relate to, things will take off naturally.

5. Be aware of his/her emotional responses

Parents of introverted children may be eager to enrol their young ones for various enrichment classes to help them improve their social skills, but an activity-filled scheduled could be overwhelming for these children. As they do not take well to crowded places and spending time with strangers, introverts often feel emotionally drained, which causes them to be grouchy and irritable. Thus, it is important to know your child’s limits when it comes to group activities and how he/she reacts to each. With this, you can tailor the daily schedule according to your child’s needs, while keeping things fun.

Read also: 10 Life Lessons and Values to Teach Your Children Before They Turn 10 | 5 Ways to Raise a Child With Emotional Intelligence 

Discover how the MindChamps Academy can help to bring out the champion in your child. Find out more now and book a complimentary personal coaching session for your child! 

The Value of Play: Age-appropriate Play Activities for Children

Whether young or old, we all love to play and we all need to do it regularly. Sadly, as we grow older, some of us have become too consumed with day-to-day errands and activities and do not get to play as much. Some of us might have even forgotten how to play.

Having a child certainly forces many parents to start thinking about playing again. Research has shown the myriad of benefits of playing from a very young age. Not only does play give children numerous opportunities to make use of their creative abilities, playing regularly also encourages a child’s imagination and dexterity to bloom. Their physical, cognitive and emotional strengths are greatly enhanced through such activity as well. Undoubtedly, play is integral to healthy brain development. Social skills are cultivated too, as children learn to engage and interact in and with the world around them through play.

The intriguing thing about play is that it makes learning happen naturally and joyfully. While playing, a child laughs, explores, wonders and imagines in the most relaxing of ways.

Here are some ideas for age-appropriate playtime with the little ones:

Birth to 1 year old

• Hold and touch your child as much as possible; physical contact makes him/her feel loved and safe.


• Whether you are breastfeeding or bottle-feeding your baby, learn his/her cues. This also teaches your baby to trust you. Such two-way bonding promotes attachment between parent and child.


• Babies love looking at faces and facial expressions. Make funny faces with your baby in front of a mirror, or point to the reflection of his nose, ears, and other parts of his body – this develops self-awareness and communication.

2 to 3 years old

• Teach your child to sing his/her favourite nursery rhyme and make up a dance or movement to go along with it.


• Give your child blocks to sort by shape or colour.


• Let him/her use magnetic alphabets to form words and teach him/her to pronounce them.


• Go to the playground with a friend’s child and help your children learn to play together.


• Play glove or finger puppets to encourage communication.

4-6 years old

• Ask your child to put one finger on your open palm. Tell a story and have a “key” word (e.g. happy). Tell the story, and when the key word is mentioned, try to grab your child’s finger. Your child will need to be alert to avoid getting caught.


• Make a simple and nutritious snack together.


• Play freeze-dance (turn on the radio and dance, then turn it off suddenly and tell your child that he/she has to freeze until the music starts again).


• Exchange jokes and riddles.

As the saying goes, “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy”. Indeed, our children’s lives will be enriched if we take the time to let them play, but better yet, play with them. Nurturing the love for play and injecting a sense of fun into the most routine and mundane of tasks in everyday life will put our children in good stead. Helping our children develop the ability to find joy in all they do from an early age will benefit them greatly throughout life.

 

©2017 Focus on the Family Singapore. All rights reserved.

Article contributed by Elvira Tan, Focus on the Family Singapore. 

Read also: 10 Life Lessons and Values to Teach Your Children Before They Turn 10

 

Chores and Children: Inspiring Your Child to Help with Chores

Have you found yourself experiencing fatigue and desperately needing help around the house? While most of us believe in the virtue of having children help around the home, the real challenge is getting them excited and committed to playing a role in the upkeep of the home. Furthermore, children who help with household chores have greater opportunities to learn to be accountable, independent and less self-centred.

So, here are some ideas from other parents that you might want to try out with your little ones. Feel free to adapt the ideas to suit your needs. Not only will it be fun for your children, this also allows both yourself and your spouse to get creative.

For children aged 3 to 5 years old

Colour the quilt

Encourage them to make their beds by drawing a picture of a quilt with 30 patches. Each time they make their beds, let them colour a patch. The goal is to complete the quilt.

The clean-up song

Help them get into the habit of picking up their toys – and make it fun. Make up lyrics to familiar songs and sing them while they pick up the toys. For example, sing “The Farmer in the Dell” with the following lyrics:

We’re picking up the blocks,

We’re picking up the blocks,

Hi-ho, the derry-o

We’re picking up the blocks.

You can even add in the child’s name to personalise it:

Josh picked up a toy

He’s such a wonderful boy

Hi-ho, the derry-o

Cleaning is a joy.

Caring for pets

Let them fill the pet’s water bowl using a cup and transferring it into the pet’s dish. When he sees the dog lapping up the water, praise him for taking care of his pet.

The key is to affirm each child when their actions have contributed to making things better for others around the home.

 

For children aged 6 to 12 years

Motivate with a point system

The goal is to instil responsibility and ownership without parental nagging. Start by determining a scale for points to be earned. Allocate more points for difficult tasks, and “bonus” points for being generous and kind. The key is to be consistent. At the end of the agreed timeframe, the child with the most points win. The winner earns the power of choice – where the next fun family outing will be, for instance – but siblings still get to join in the fun. A win-win situation for all!

Create chore charts with a reward system

Start by preparing a laminated chore list for each child, then set up magnetic charts that have their names and days of the week. Have the children pick out inexpensive items that they’d like to form a set of rewards that can be redeemed. When each child does his/her chores without being reminded, they place a magnet on the chart. Failing to do chores gets a magnet removed. Once they have accumulated enough magnets, they can pick their reward from the prize box.

Use chores to build relationships

While children do their chores, parents can help them out by working alongside, which paves the way for conversation and even playfulness.

 

With many families in Singapore relying on live-in domestic help, it remains highly important that children learn to help with basic chores so that they do not grow up with a sense of entitlement. Getting the children to perform light chores on a helper’s day off will give them a fuller appreciation of the aid that the family receives from the domestic helper. Over time, children will also learn to be more independent, increasingly confident in their growing abilities, more accountable and less egocentric.

Make helping around the home a norm for your children today, and witness the benefits your family will reap tomorrow.

©2017 Focus on the Family Singapore. All rights reserved.

Article contributed by Elvira Tan, Focus on the Family Singapore. 

Read also: What You Need to Know About Teaching Children to Share and Take Turns

Lying in Children: Why It Happens and What to Do About It

Children are bound to tell lies at some point in their lives. While this may seem worrying for parents at first, you can rest assured that it is all part of the learning process that they go through during the growing up years. On top of that, it also doubles up as a teaching opportunity to help your children differentiate between the real world and a make-believe one, and emphasise on the consequences of lying (yes, even if it is a harmless white lie) and why it is important that they tell the truth.

With this, we present to you some facts on why children lie, and what you can do to set them on the right path to honesty:

When and why do children lie?

According to a developmental model of lying proposed by Victor Talwar and Kang Lee, children typically start telling lies between the age of two and three where they blurt out statements that are untrue on purpose, without considering the consequences.

By four years old, children get better in telling lies as they have learnt how to match their facial expression to their tone of voice to make you believe that they are telling the truth. However, upon further questioning, they will eventually own up. Needless to say, they will perfect their lying ability further in primary school, where their lies get more complicated and frequent.

The reasons that lead children to tell lies vary, and may include the following:

• To conceal their mistakes and avoid getting into trouble


• To avoid hurting other people’s feelings


• To see how you respond to their lies


• To jazz up their stories and make it sound more exciting


• To get your attention and/or to get something they want

How to encourage children to tell the truth

Around the ages of 6 and 7, your children will begin to understand the difference between lies and the truth, which gives you the perfect opportunity to emphasise the importance of honesty in your family.

Here, we have outlined some age-appropriate tips to help you go through this process with your children:

1. Draw it out

Younger children are extremely imaginative and may have a hard time differentiating between what’s real and make-believe. When your child makes up a story, you can respond by saying, “I love how you came up with your story – let’s draw and turn it into a beautiful picture.” By doing this, you are inspiring him/her to be creative without giving the go-ahead to lie.

2. Praise them often

Telling “tall tales” may be your child’s way of getting attention and praise from you. To avoid this from turning into a lying habit, do make an effort to praise your child for his/her accomplishments – no matter how big or small they are. This can work wonders in boosting his/her confidence and self-esteem.

3. Read books on lying and honesty

Read books that emphasise on the importance of telling the truth – an all-time favourite is “The Boy Who Cried Wolf”, which gives a great example of what would happen when the same lie is told repeatedly.

4. Acknowledge their efforts to own up

Do praise your child when he/she owns up upon doing something wrong. You can respond by saying, “I’m glad you told me the truth – it makes me really happy when you are honest”. This assures your child that you will not get upset when he/she owns up to something that was done wrong.

5. Set the rules

Make sure to be clear on the rules and guidelines on what constitutes acceptable behavior in your family, and the consequences of breaking those rules.

6. Address the issue calmly

For older children who seem to be lying frequently, do talk to them calmly about the issue and help them see why lying does not constitute acceptable behavior. You can rationalise the issue by telling them how their lying makes you feel, how it affects the parent-child relationship and what it feels like when the people in their life no longer trust them.

 

Find out how the MindChamps PreSchool curriculum helps to nurture the love of learning in your child and instill positive values such as gratefulness, compassion and more. Book a visit to your preferred centre now!

Read also: 20 Ways to Instill Good Manners in Your Child

Dads Matter! How Fathers Can Help their Children Succeed

Every parent desires to see their children grow up to be confident, resilient and successful adults – and this comes from giving appropriate affirmation to build up their self-worth and esteem. Every child needs to feel and believe that they are loved. And as parents, we need to give that message of affirmation regularly, through the stages of development in our child’s life.

While both parents play equally important roles in this endeavour, mothers are often more inclined towards the role of giving care and affection to the child, while fathers take on the role of “play buddy” or the disciplinarian. While each parent should play to their strengths, it is good to share these tasks, and not segment their parenting roles strictly. In fact, in the case of fathers, research[i] has shown that children who have involved fathers tend to have better cognitive ability and are better problem solvers.

See also: 8 Things Parents Do to Raise Successful Children, According to Research

Dads, these are some self-esteem boosters to try with your child today:

• Celebrate your child’s milestones together as this keeps a celebratory and encouraging atmosphere in your home (E.g. diaper-free day, first word/book read, first tooth dropped)


• Apologise when you make a mistake


• Help your child become an “expert” on a topic he cares about


• Give your child the chance to make simple decisions (E.g. what she would like to wear for an outing)


• Show enthusiasm about your child’s questions;

Parenting sons and daughters also requires very different approaches – here are some tips to adjust your parenting style accordingly:

Raising Confident Sons

• Don’t praise your son only when he is tough, strong or brave. Be sure to compliment him for being sensitive and kind, for taking care of friends and siblings, and for being curious and asking questions.

• Encourage your son to pursue activities he likes and is good at, and don’t force him to do things he does not enjoy. Take an interest and participate with him in those activities.

• Comfort your son when he is sad, upset or hurt and let him know it is ok to cry. Don’t laugh at him or shame him. This will encourage him to be himself, and to understand his emotions and express them appropriately.

See also: What You Need to Know About Teaching Children to Share and Take Turns

Nurturing Secure Daughters

• Don’t just compliment your daughter on her clothes or looks. Give her specific praise on what she is good at, (E.g. being a talented artist, smart with numbers, good at sharing, a caring big sister, knows how to tie shoe laces).

• Many girls and women suffer from low self-esteem due to the messages they get from the media, which advocates the idea that beauty is all that matters. Praising your daughter’s inner beauty will help boost her self-esteem. Tell her that she is valuable, special and important, not because of how she looks but because of who she is.

While we can attest to the fact that parenting has its challenges, there is a great pay off when you are done raising your children to be confident and well-adjusted adults. Fathers play an important role as nurturers and confidence-builders in this journey, and we encourage you to try some of these tips and ideas with your children today!

©2017 Focus on the Family Singapore. All rights reserved

Article contributed by Judith Xavier, Focus on the Family Singapore. 

 

References:

Amato, P. R., & Rivera, F. (1999). Paternal involvement and children’s behavior problems. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 61 (2), 375 – 384.

Gottman, J. M., Katz, K. E., & Hooven, C. (1997). Meta-emotion: How families communicate emotionally. Mahwah, NJ: Erlbaum.

Yogman, M. W. Kindlon, D., & Earls, F. (1995). Father involvement and cognitive/behavioral outcomes of preterm infants. Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, 34, 58-66.

5 Ways to Help Children Identify and Express their Emotions

The early years are crucial for your child’s development, as it is during this time that they learn about how the world around them works. Along with their new discoveries, they also learn a lot about their feelings and how to express them in the appropriate manner.

Throughout this learning journey, things can get overwhelming for young children who are trying to understand the complexities of emotions. As a result, they may vent their frustrations through emotional outbursts or have a hard time calming down. Although you may find this situation challenging, know that it is all part of your child’s learning experience in identifying and expressing their emotions.

Here are some things you can do to help your child learn and understand their emotions better:

1. Name the feeling

The different feelings that your children go through daily may be foreign to them at first, but you can help them out by naming those feelings appropriately. For example, you could say, “Mummy has to go to work, and you are sad to say goodbye” or “You were angry that your friend snatched your favourite toy”. You can also use picture books or videos to point out the various emotions of the story’s characters to your child.

When you teach your child to name feelings when they occur, your child will build an emotional vocabulary over time and get to the point where they are able to identify those feelings and talk to you about them. This will then help them learn the basics of expressing their feelings appropriately.

2. Talk about how feelings can be expressed

The best way to teach your children to express their feelings is to set a good example yourself. Start by talking about your own feelings and describe how to best express those feelings. You can also create opportunities for your child to come up with solutions for various situations, and then discuss why they are or are not appropriate.

Here are some questions you can ask to help you get started:

• Remember how Mummy got mad yesterday because the kitchen sink was clogged up? When I get mad, I take a deep breath, count to three, and think of the best way to solve the problem.


• Your brother bumped his head on the wall – how do you think he feels?


• You are frustrated because you are having a hard time putting back that box on the shelf. What can you do? I think you can either ask for help or try to do it again. What would you like to do?

3. Offer a deep nurturing connection

While babies are soothed by their parents, toddlers and pre-schoolers need to bond and feel connected to mum and dad in order to regulate and deal with their emotions. Thus, when you notice your child getting upset or overwhelmed, the best thing you can do for him/her is to reconnect and try to see things from your child’s perspective. This helps you understand the reason behind their meltdowns and allows you to respond appropriately. In fact, experts highly recommend that we hug our children when the going gets rough, as this has shown to do wonders in regulating their emotions.

4. Resist the urge to punish

Discipline methods such as spankings, time outs, giving consequences and shaming are often used to correct children’s misbehaviours, but these do nothing to help them deal with their emotions. By resorting to these methods, children get the message that their “bad” emotions are to be blamed for their misbehaviours. As a result, they try to bottle their emotions until they get to a point where it “overflows” one day through a meltdown episode.

Instead of using punishment, do help your child to process and manage their emotions in positive ways until they are able to handle it all by themselves. Leading through good example (i.e. speaking in a proper tone of voice and not yelling) and giving them activities that allow them to express their emotions (e.g. drawing and shaping with playdough) go a long way to help both of you get there.

5. Praise and practice – often!

Give praises to your child whenever he/she talks about his/her feelings. This brings across the message that he/she did the right thing and that you are proud of him/her for reaching out to you and talk about feelings.

Children should know that it is perfectly fine to express what we feel, and be given ample opportunities to respond to their feelings in appropriate ways. You can play your part in this aspect by practising strategies that will help your child express his/her emotions in various situations. For example, you can talk about feelings and coping strategies during dinner, a play date or while grocery shopping. Through the series of events that unfold in each situation, there will be opportunities for your child to express and deal with his/her feelings when interacting with others. The more your children get to do this, the faster they will learn to regulate their emotions independently.

Related: 5 Ways to Raise a Child with High Emotional Intelligence | 5 Ways to Ease PreSchool Separation Anxiety in Your Child

Part of the focus of MindChamps PreSchool’s curriculum is centred on character building. Find out how this can benefit your child during the early years – book a centre visit now!

8 Ways to Encourage Curiosity in Children

“The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing.” – Albert Einstein

An essential component in education and in life, curiosity drives us to learn new things and discover how things work around us. While there are various ways to stimulate our curiosity, it is crucial that we instil this in our children from young.

“Stimulating your child’s curiosity is a wonderful gift because it enables them to continually learn, grow and question the world they live in,” author of the Molly Moccasin books, Victoria Ryan O’Toole, shares with HowToLearn.com. She further explains that curiosity also helps children develop a healthy imagination and a sense of creativity, as well as acts as a stepping stone towards a successful future.

While most children are curious by nature and will always be up to discovering new things, there are others who need help to stimulate their curiosity. To help you along, here are some things you can do to encourage your children’s curiosity during the early years:

1. Answer their questions

Answering your child’s 1,002 questions every day can prove to be a challenge, but the last thing you want to do is to reply with a “Because I said so” or “Because that’s how it works” for convenience’s sake. Not only will this confuse her further, it will also discourage her from putting her learning and thinking caps on.

As much as possible, try to give your child an answer and engage her by discussing about the topic further. If you don’t know the answer to her question, you can suggest that both of you work together to find out. Do get her to contribute ideas on the possible places to look for answers (i.e. books, magazines or the Internet). At the end of the day, you’d want to assure your child that it pays to be curious and learn about how things work.

2. Be curious yourself

Your children learn best from observing what you do, so do take this chance to role model and pique their curiosity. Make it a point to raise questions that serve as a learning point for them as you go about the day’s activities. For example, while cooking dinner, you could ask “This sauce makes the stir-fry taste so yummy. I wonder what’s in it?” or “Why does the rainbow appear after that heavy downpour?”. You can brainstorm with your children on the possible answers, and then do some research together to find the right answers.

See also: Play is Important in More Ways Than One

3. Break away from routine

While having a set routine of activities helps to keep the day running smoothly, making small tweaks in your children’s daily activities can help to stimulate their thinking and encourage their curiosity and creativity. For example, you can change their daily breakfast menu (i.e. from the usual omelet with toast to blueberry pancakes) to expose them to new dishes and flavours. From here, get them to share with you on which one they like better and what other dishes they would like to start the day with.

4. Let them pursue their interests

Drawn by her curiosity, your child will show interest in certain activities and topics. Although you may have expectations when it comes to activities that are deemed appropriate for your child, do give her some freedom to explore those that she is interested in as well. Your child’s interest and curiosity paves way for learning which opens her mind to knowledge and new experiences. So, instead of saying to her “Stop playing the guitar and focus on your homework”, go on and encourage her by going through online tutorials to perfect her strumming.

5. Share open-ended stories

There are many ways to freshen up your children’s bedtime story routine and spur their creativity in the process. Instead of reading the same stories numerous times – although they can’t seem to get enough of it – try making it more fun by leaving the ending up to their imagination. Besides this, you can also get them to think of a new title and create a different beginning of the story to better retain their interest and attention in the story.

See also: How to Raise a Child Who Loves to Read

6. Visit new places

Visiting new places (e.g. a foreign country or a different neighbourhood/state) opens up your child to a world of new experiences and stimulates their curiosity. Through this, she will be able to experience new cultures and being in a different environment than the one she is used to, as well as witness how other people live. This certainly beats relying on documentaries on TV or turning to books or online videos for answers to her questions.

7. Leave little surprises

From a short note stuck on their lunchbox to wish them a good day at school to having a surprise guest over for dinner, positive surprises do wonders to boost your child’s mood and drive their curiosity. This experience will stimulate their thinking as they ask themselves questions such as “When did mum/dad slipped in that note?” and “How did they manage to track down our previous neighbor and invite him/her for dinner?”.

8. Cut out the B-word

The last thing you want to do is to lead your child to think that boredom is the easy way out, so do be extra careful about labelling activities or situations as “boring”. When a routine activity gets to a point of being monotonous, encourage your child to look at it from a different light and find new ways to make it interesting. For people who are constantly curious, there is always something new to learn, discover and understand – even if that something has been done over a dozen times.

 

Find out how children are encouraged to be a life-long learner, among other life lessons, during their time at MindChamps PreSchool. Schedule a visit to your preferred centre now!

Teen Dating: “Mum, When Can I Start Dating?”

The tween years are an interesting time for your children, as they begin to take their first steps towards puberty, and naturally, start getting curious about the world of dating and relationships. The good news is that in those fleeting tween-age years before your young one crosses over from childhood to being a full-fledged teenager, he or she is likely to be open with you about their thoughts and feelings. This is a good time for parents to guide their children towards a healthy understanding of love and relationships.

Get Inside your Child’s World

One of the most valuable ways that you can invest in your parent-child relationship is to connect with your child and understand the world through her eyes. Spend time together, and be present as you initiate conversations on who her friends are, and what she likes, dislikes, dreams and worries about.  This will give insights into your child, and enables you to guide her views on relationships, while addressing any misconceptions that you might pick up on.

Keep Clear of Negative Talk

It can be tempting to steer your child away from all conversations about love and relationships. Some parents may be fearful of their child dating before he is emotionally ready, or dating someone unsuitable. However, avoid making blanket statements about dating such as, “dating is bad for you” and “dating will distract you from your studies, and you will fail!”. Instead, encourage conversations and engage with your children as they share their thoughts with you.

See also: Social Skills for Children - An Age-by-age Guide

Emphasise Positive Friendships

The most vital relationship advice you can share with your child is that all positive romantic relationships are rooted in strong friendships. Discuss with your child the traits found in good relationships such as mutual respect, compromise, being supportive and having healthy boundaries. Take the time to clearly share how these are also traits that are found in solid friendships. You might even share about the positive experiences of relatives and family friends to provide your child with real-life examples that she can relate to. Provide your child with the opportunities to form healthy friendships with both boys and girls, and open your home to these friends so that they can safely meet  and bond with some parental supervision.

Set Boundaries Early

Some parents opt to take a ‘wait and see’ approach to dating and relationship boundaries, clamping down on when they believe their child has crossed the line. This will likely lead to resentment towards the parents and conflict in the family. Instead, it is advisable to set boundaries with your children even before they start dating. Have an upfront discussion about the do’s and don’ts of dating, and even friendships with the opposite sex. For example, you might want to stipulate that friends of the opposite sex are not allowed in the bedroom, or that an adult must be present when they come over to visit. Setting the expectations right at the start will minimise conflict and miscommunication in future.

See also: 5 Activities that Teach Children About Love 

Be a Positive Role Model

As a general rule, your children will observe how you behave in your relationships and follow the example that you set. In fact, this is probably the most effective way you can positively influence your child’s attitude and behaviour towards relationships, and other areas of life. Invest time and effort in your own marriage to model what a healthy relationship looks like. As your child watches how you interact with your spouse, it sets the standard for the kind of relationships that he will pursue in future.

Explaining dating and relationships to your child can be a challenging task, but also an extremely rewarding one for parents. Ensuring that your child has the right attitude and values in this area will set them up for success in their future relationships – and both your child and their spouse will thank you for it.

Copyright © 2016. Focus on the Family Singapore Ltd.

Article contributed by Judith Xavier, Focus on the Family Singapore.

5 Activities that Teach Children about Love

While you have been showering your children with love from the moment they were born, understanding the true meaning of love may be challenging for them. Teaching children about what love really entails helps them develop values such as empathy and kindness, as well as improves their relationship with the people around them.

Apart from role modelling acts of love to your child during the early years, you can also incorporate lessons on love through age-appropriate activities that promote this essential life value. Here are some ideas to help you get started:

1. Read stories on love

Add books that focus on love and friendship to your children’s bedtime story collection, as stories make great tools for explaining abstract concepts and emotions. Some great titles include “Guess How Much I Love You” by Sam McBratney which illustrates the love of a parent towards his/her child while “Lost and Found” by Oliver Jeffers tells the tale of a boy who finds, then loses his penguin friend, making it a good story to tell your children and talk to them about the importance of love and friendship.

See also: 10 Life Lessons and Values to Teach Your Children Before They Turn 10

2. Make love-themed crafts

Get your child to express their love to their friends and family by making a love-themed hand-crafted item. Some ideas which you can start off with include:

• Lollipop flowers


• Ladybug heart craft


• Friendship bracelets


• Cupcake liner cards

For younger children, you can help them out with the cutting and writing of note to add that heartfelt touch to their handmade craft. This activity can be done any day, anytime and there’s no need to wait for a special occasion to get creative.

3. Giving back to the community

Encourage your child to show love and compassion beyond their circle of family and friends by extending it to the less fortunate in the community. The options for volunteer opportunities are plentiful and includes distributing packets of rice to needy old folks, serving meals at the Soup Kitchen, and donating their toys and clothes to the Salvation Army to help needy families. Through these initiatives, you can talk to your child about how he/she feels to spread love and happiness to those who in need.

4. Talk about the people your child has met

Among all the people whom your child has known up to today, get her to think back of the time she made a new friend. Ask her to tell you a few positive traits she noticed about this new friend, the series of events that led to them becoming friends and what she like most about him/her.

You can also talk about how we should love and accept everyone for who they are, although they may look and behave differently from us (e.g. speaking a different language, doing things differently or having physical challenges). To demonstrate this, you can carry out a simple role-playing exercise by taking turns to pretend that each of you are meeting a new friend for the first time, and how to show love to the other person.

See also: 6 Ways to Teach Your Child to be Grateful in Life

5. Play a game of “Loving Charades”

As we show love in different ways to the people in our lives, it is important to teach your children the appropriate way to show their affection. You can do this by playing this game of “Loving Charades” where everyone take turns to come up with creative ways to show love to various people in different situations.

Here’s how the game is played:

• Get ready a stack of cards with loving actions written (e.g. Greeting someone, cheering up someone, offering a food/drink)


• Have some photos of people you know (e.g. family and friends) as well as strangers (you can use illustrations or stock images)


• Each person draws a card and a photo to act out the loving action to person without saying it out


• The rest will need to guess what the action is

 

At MindChamps PreSchool, children are instilled with values such as gratefulness and compassion to bring out the champion in them. Book a visit to your preferred centre to find out more.

8 Things Parents Do to Raise Successful Children, According to Research

As parents, we want our children to grow up to be happy and healthy, on top of teaching them the qualities of a successful person. While there is no set technique that is linked to raising successful children, research carried out by psychologists have shown that there are a few things parents of successful children do to bring out the best in them.

Here are some common things that parents do to raise successful children:

1. Give their children chores right from the start

As reported by The Washington Times, research conducted by the University of Mississippi revealed that getting children to help with house chores from as early as 3 or 4 brings about huge benefits. According to Marty Rossmann who led the study, chores teach children about the importance of contributing to the family and give them a sense of empathy as they grow up. Those who grew up doing chores from young also turned out to be well-adjusted, enjoyed better relationships with the people in their life and tend to be more successful in their career.

However, researchers also warn against offering children an allowance in return for chores. Tying chores to a “carrot” may lower the motivation of a child in getting the chores done, as at the end of the day, he/she will only be doing it for the sake of the expected reward.

2. Teach their children good coping skills

With setbacks and disappointments being a natural part of our lives, one of the most important lesson we can pass on to our children is the ability to cope with these defeats. Dr Marie Hartwell-Walker, a US-based psychologist and marriage & family counsellor, shared in a PsychCentral article that children who pick up the skills to cope will gain the strength and confidence to carry on and face life’s challenges – such as when they do not perform as well as expected in exams or when their friends let them down.

One of the best ways to impart this skill to our children is by leading through example. Create opportunities that allow them to observe how you tackle your own challenges head-on and the process you go through when solving problems. In time, they will learn to apply these strategies when faced with similar situations.

See also: 5 Ways to Ease Pre-school Separation Anxiety in Your Child

3. Set high expectations according to their children’s abilities

Oftentimes, the achievement of children is linked to the expectations that their parents set for them in the first place and the things they do to help their children get there. For example, parents who expect their children to further their studies in university will do what they can to nurture their academic achievement and guide them towards success.

The practice of setting high expectations for our children in order to inspire their success is in line with the Pygmalion effect, a psychology finding that states that what we expect of others often becomes a reality. To help your children live up to your expectations, you might want to work with them to find out where their abilities lie, and then set a goal that encourages them to go beyond what they are capable of – taking care to keep it within reasonable limits.

4. Develop their children’s social skills

In our world today, having the knowledge and skills to do a job well is simply not enough to ensure one’s success. It is equally important for one to possess the soft skills to maintain good relationships with the people in their lives, and to have values such as empathy and compassion. These social skills can be instilled in children from young as they go a long way to help them attain success in life.

The correlation between one’s social skills and success in life is affirmed by a 20-year study conducted by researchers from Pennsylvania University and Duke University which tracked more than 700 children across the US from the time they started kindergarten up to age 25. Among the findings generated from the study included the fact that children who were socially competent had a higher likelihood of graduating from college and have a full-time job compared to those with limited social skills. While socially competent children were helpful, cooperative and are able to resolve problems on their own, those with limited social skills had a higher chance of having issues such as getting on the wrong side of law.

See also: Social Skills for Children – An Age-by-age Guide

5. Children are “allowed” to learn from failures

A huge part of growing up involves understanding and learning that failure is a stepping stone to success. Thus, our role as parents is to give our children the opportunity to learn from their failures and work hard towards success. Stanford University psychologist Carol Dweck calls this the “growth mindset”, where one “thrives on challenges and sees failure not as evidence of unintelligence but as a heartening springboard for growth and for stretching our existing abilities”. At the end of the day, the experience of learning from their failures help children to develop their character, build resilience and attain success.

6. Both parents resolve conflicts in a proper manner

Conflicts may be part and parcel of our lives, but how we resolve them can affect how well our children relate to others and cope with the challenges in life. E. Mark Cummings, a developmental psychologist at Notre Dame University, mentions in a Developmental Science article that when children witness conflicts at home which involve support, compromise, and positive emotions, they gain better social skills and enjoy better self-esteem and emotional security which can affect how well they do in school.

He explains that when children watch their parents working together to resolve conflicts, this helps to reassure them that mum and dad can work things through. On the other hand, chronic stress from witnessing frequent conflicts that go unresolved at home can cause negative emotions and behavior in children such as being worried, anxious, aggressive and struggling with their studies.

7. Encourage their children to stick to their goals

As researched by psychologist Angela Duckworth of University of Pennsylvania, grit (which is defined as a tendency to sustain interest in and effort toward very long-term goals) often correlates with educational attainment and academic success. Thus, it is beneficial for parents to encourage their children to stick to their goals in life – despite the challenges – in order to commit to a future they want to create for themselves.

8. Help their children grow up and discover their identity

The key to achieving this is to create a balance when it comes to parenting.

Children need to learn to identify their strengths, weaknesses, likes and dislikes, and to think about what’s best for themselves in any given situation. While over-parenting your children hinders their ability to think independently, permissive parenting deprives them of the guidance and ability to focus and commit. Instead, try to make use of every teachable opportunity that present itself, as the best way to help your children learn about themselves and how the world functions is by modelling the appropriate actions and behaviour.

 

Find out how the MindChamps Academy equips your child with effective learning techniques and thinking skills to excel in school and in life. Book a Complimentary Personal Coaching Session now!

How to Raise a Child Who Loves to Read

Reading brings a host of benefits to your children during the early years, as it helps to build the neural connections in their brain and sets the pace for cognitive development. Many parents start off this journey by reading to and with their children, which is highly recommended by the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP).

“Reading to children and with children is a very joyous event and a way of fostering a relationship, as well as [helping] language development. And we don’t have to wait until we’re getting them ready for school. We can make it part of regular routine,” says Pamela High, the lead author of the AAP policy statement.

Apart from this, there are many things you can do to build the love of reading in your child – some of which also double up as a fun bonding activity. Here are some of our suggested tips:

1. Visit the library regularly

Your child’s fascination with books and stories usually builds up from age two onwards, and this gives you a great chance to keep his/her reading adventure fun by taking him/her to the library. There are shelves of books to discover and explore, and you can both go on a book hunt after making a list of recommended book titles to check out at the library. There are also story-telling sessions held at our local libraries which your child can join in as the storytellers bring the tales to life.

2. Continue reading to your child, even when he/she can read solo

Your child enjoyed being read to when he/she was a teeny tot, and chances are, he/she will still love this even when independent reading is achieved. So, don’t stop reading to your child and keep this reading routine going for as long as he/she will let you. Not only will this help to retain your child’s interest in reading as he/she moves along, it also gives you the opportunity to talk to your child about values and life choices through a good story.

3. Take your child to the next reading level

At this age, your child’s attention span may not last that long, which explains why some children lose interest in reading once they can read by themselves. To keep them interested, you can take their reading level up a notch by picking books that are slightly harder than the ones they are used to.

For example, if your child seems comfortable with picture books, do add on books with slightly more words and an exciting storyline to the collection. Read together with your child in the beginning and introduce new words and concepts to him/her. As you both move along, gradually work on having him/her read and enjoy the book alone – for example, by leaving your child with the book halfway through the story.

See also: 5 Things You Can Do to Prepare Your Child for Primary 1

4. Model reading and discuss books with your child

Children learn by observing what their parents do, so take the lead and settle down with a book during your children’s reading time at home. You can make things more interesting by reading “grown-up books” aloud to them such as a relevant piece from Time, then discuss the reading material with the whole family. If there is a movie version or theatre production of a book that your children enjoy reading, make plans to catch the movie together. After that, talk to them about the movie/theatre show and ask them what was done differently in the show compared to the original from the book.

5. Draw a line to screen time

In this digital age, spending time with the TV and computer/tablet trumps quiet time with a good book. Before your children develop an addiction to these gadgets, it would be worthwhile to set some rules with regards to screen time and encourage them to find joy in reading. Once their reading is more established, you can make tweaks to the rules by allowing them to explore reading apps. Some good reading apps that are worth checking out include MeeGenius, Tales2Go and the MindChamps Read-Along app which is used during the MindChamps Reading & Writing (MRW) programme – offered both as a standalone enrichment programme and as part of the MindChamps PreSchool curriculum.

See also: Play is Important in More Ways than One

6. Entice your child with comics and art & craft

For children who are struggling to enjoy reading time, you can pique their interest by turning to two of their much-loved interests: comics and art & craft. Some children see comics as less intimidating compared to regular books, while others are attracted by the rich illustrations. You can start to build their interest with comics first, with choices such as Calvin and Hobbes and Geronimo Stilton (the graphic novel series) that are great for vocabulary-building and instilling positive values.

On the other hand, younger children would be able to relate to the books that they are being read to, through book-themed art & craft activities. You can find some good suggestions here and here.

 

Find out how the MindChamps Reading and Writing programme helps to nurture your child into a Champion reader and writer for life - Register for a Complimentary Literacy Assessment for your child now.

What You Need to Know about Teaching Children to Share and Take Turns

Learning to share and take turns while playing can be challenging for young children – especially those under six – but it is a vital skill that they need to pick up during the early years.

According to AskDrSears, sharing teaches children about empathy and gives them the ability to see things from the viewpoints of others. Sharing also teaches children about compromise and helps them learn that if they share what they have with others, this good deed will come back to them one day. When they share, children learn to take turns for play-learn situations and cope with disappointments – two very important life skills that will get them ahead in life.

When can we expect children to share?

During the early years, children are still learning to make sense of the concept of sharing as they learn more about themselves and their favourite possessions. Here are some guidelines to help you through when teaching toddlers and pre-schoolers to share and take turns:

Toddlers

At this stage, toddlers believe that the world revolves around them and everything that comes into their sight belongs to them. Although putting forward the consequences for not sharing does little to get your toddler to learn to share, with encouragement and practice, he/she will slowly get there.

By 3 years old, your toddler will start to understand the concept of taking turns – but tantrums are still inevitable, especially if another child takes a toy that he/she was eyeing.

Pre-schoolers

While most pre-schoolers understand the concept of sharing in the simplest form, some of them might not be keen to put this knowledge into action, and can be impatient when it comes to taking turns. You can develop your pre-schooler’s sharing skills further by praising her for taking turns (especially when she does it well) and encouraging fair play. If she still refuses to share, do talk to her about how she will feel if her toy was taken away or if she is denied a turn in playing. Talking to your pre-schooler about other people’s feelings will help her see things from another person’s view, and this is an important skill to have in making friends.

See also: 5 Ways to Ease Pre-school Separation Anxiety in Your Child

How to teach children to share and take turns

There are various tools and methods you can use when teaching children to share and take turns. Some of these include:

1. Showing a good example

Children learn best from observing the actions of others, especially mum and dad.  So, take the chance to model good behavior when it comes to sharing and taking turns. For example, you can show how you share your favourite snacks with the whole family during movie nights at home, or how mum and dad take turns to use the bathroom.

2. Playing sharing games

Fun activities such as games help children learn and understand a concept better than drilling the basics at them. Here are some fun sharing games that you can play with your children to teach them about sharing and taking turns:

• Share Daddy/Mummy – Place one child on each side of your lap and do fun things like letting each of them have a go at “riding the rocking horse”. This teaches children to share a special person in their lives.


• Share Your Favourite Things – Give your child his/her favourite snack or toy, and get him/her to share them with everyone in the room. The message to convey here is that sharing is a way of life and that it spreads joy and happiness to those around us.


• Play family games such as “Snap”, memory card games or “Pop up pirate” where everyone needs to wait his/her turn to have a go. This gives them some first-hand experience about sharing the game with everyone in the family and the value of taking turns.

See also: Social Skills for Children - An Age-By-Age Guide

3. Introducing time-sharing

When children are having problems sharing a toy, you can use a timer to stop the squabbling and ensure fair play. Here’s how to use the time-sharing method:

• Think of a number in your head and get each child to choose a number


• The one who chooses the closest number you thought of gets to play with the toy first


• Set the timer for 2 minutes


• When the times buzzes, the toy goes to the next child for the same amount of time

If your children still refuse to share after explaining the time-sharing method to them, your last resort is to put the toy back in its original place and explain to them that nobody gets to play with it until they learn to share. Expect some sulking and protesting initially, but once they realise that they are better off sharing the toy, they will learn to cooperate and come to a compromise.

4. Bringing toys to playdates

If your children have problems sharing his/her toys during playdates, do ask the playmate’s parent to bring some toys along. Children, being intrigued with toys that are new to them, will soon realise that they must share their own toys in order to have a go at their playmate’s toys. Similarly, if your child is going to a playmate’s house for a playdate, do pack some toys for him/her to bring along and share with the other children.

 

Find out how children at MindChamps PreSchool are taught values such as compassion, confidence, gratefulness and more. Visit your preferred centre now to find out more!

10 Life Lessons and Values to Teach Your Children Before They Turn 10

There are many skills that our children are expected to learn and master in order to excel in today’s fast-changing world. In our bid to give them the best things in life, we do what we can to give them the foundation to these skills. At the same time, there are many life lessons that parents should not miss out on teaching their children. These life lessons and values will help your children cope with the challenges of the real world with grace and confidence as they grow up.

Here are some life lessons and values to impart to your children during the tender growing up years:

1. Lessons on good manners

Good manners should be inculcated in children from the day they are born, for this helps them interact with the people they meet in their daily lives and shapes them into a loving and considerate person.

You can teach your children the basics of good manners from the day he or she is born. Use common phrases such as “Please” and “Thank you” when you are interacting with your child, and keep up with this as he/she grows up. Do make it a habit to use these phrases when he shares his favourite items with you. Although your child may not be able to express himself during the early years, he is observing your moves and actions and learning to make sense of the interactions taking place. The more you model the basics of good manners, these examples will become a part of your child’s life in time to come.

2. The value of honesty

It is important that we teach our children about the value of honesty and explain to them the consequences of lying. As children learn by taking our actions as an example, we need to make a conscious effort to show them that they should always strive to tell the truth. For example, if you tell your friend that you can’t attend their party because the whole family will be away and then head out for dinner with the family instead, your child will think that it is alright to tell a white lie occasionally. Instead, explain to your child that he/she should always aim to tell the truth – and that they should not attempt to make others feel better by telling white lies.

3. The joy of learning

“The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you will go” – Dr. Seuss

The quote above by popular children’s author, Dr. Theodor Seuss Geisel, puts across the fact that learning is a life-long journey and that it leads to a world of opportunities. While you help your children to develop a love of reading, do also point out to them that there are many ways to learn new things apart from reading. Encourage them to open their minds to new experiences and learn from life situations and the people that they cross paths with.

See also: Top 3 Qualities That Will Help Your Child Grow Up To Be Successful.

4. The courage to speak up

As much as you’d like to protect your child as he/she goes through the ups and downs in life, you may not be able to step in all the time. Thus, teaching your child to speak up and stand up for himself is one of the most valuable lessons that you can impart during the growing up years. This helps to give him the courage to ask questions when he does not understand what is being taught in class and the confidence to put across his thoughts and ideas to others as an adult.

5. How to manage money

We go to great lengths to teach our children essential life skills such as reading, writing and to play various games, but we don’t seem to spend time or do enough to teach them about money management. This life skill should be taught from the moment your children start receiving an allowance for school, as it helps them learn about the importance of saving, how to budget their money and the consequences of spending more than what they can afford. By giving your children a good head start in money management, they will grow up with a sense of responsibility when it comes to money matters.

6. Make healthy food choices

Children adopt their eating habits and lifestyle based on what they have been practicing from young. So, do make it a point to prepare healthy meals for the family despite your busy daily schedule as this will help your children maintain a healthy weight and normal growth. Some of the key aspects of healthy eating involves portion control and limiting the fat and sugar that your child consumes. Apart from ensuring that your child’s meals are complete with the vital nutrients such as protein, carbohydrate and fibre, you can also offer smarter snack choices such as a bowl of fruits instead of chocolates and cookies.

7. Resolve disagreements peacefully

As we go through life, there will be instances where disagreements occur with the people we meet and communicate with. We need to teach our children the art of staying calm when facing disagreements and confrontations. Get your child to take a deep breath and look at the issue from all sides by asking himself/herself questions such as “why” and “what if”. This helps them focus on the problem at hand and not to bear grudges against the other person, and to keep negative emotions such as anger, rage and dissatisfaction under control.

See also: 20 Ways To Instil Good Manners In Your Child.

8. Lend a helping hand to others

Being kind to others by lending a helping hand is all it takes to brighten up someone’s day – be it helping to fold the laundry or to help an elderly neighbour with her bag of groceries. So, do encourage your children to lend a helping hand whenever the opportunity arises. This teaches them values such as compassion and empathy, as they show care to others and put the needs of others first before that of their own.

9. To live life with happiness and positivity

Life may not be a bed of roses all the time, neither should it be dark and gloomy. It is essentially a mix of ups and downs which paves the way for rich learning experiences. So, do encourage your children to focus on the positives, count their blessings and find joy in the little things that bring happiness – such as a loving family and a nice, cosy home to live in. By adopting a positive mindset, your children will develop the resilience to cope with all the challenges that come their way and emerge stronger, wiser than before.

10. To love with all their hearts

Love conquers all, and it is the one thing that ignites your child’s passions in life. Besides showering our children with love, we need to teach them to love unconditionally with all their hearts. This involves accepting others not for what they do or are capable of, but to love them for who they are. By doing this, your children will pick up important values such as the ability to respect other people’s choices (even if they do not agree with them), and to be their true selves without succumbing to what others expect of them.

 

Find out the 10 values that are instilled during lesson time at MindChamps PreSchool as we strive to bring out the champion in your child. Book a visit to your preferred centre now!